You know that scene that you often see on these shows, where a poor, unfortunate bug lands in a silky spider web, and then struggles and struggles to get free until...BAM!... the hideous, eight-legged creature with fangs delivers death in an instant? I jump every time. Good God, I hate spiders.
Life sometimes makes me feel like that helpless bug. I mean, don't misunderstand me.... life is a beautiful gift! But it is also loaded with struggle, and can feel like a giant web of chaos. I know people are wired differently, but I'm one of those people who tends to hold stuff in and needs healthy, creative outlets or it will just build and build like lava waiting to erupt out of a volcano. On the outside I am usually super chill, while my inner world may be brewing with energy. I occasionally get inspired to write, so I'm using this blog as one of those healthy, creative outlets.
A few years ago I had what you might call a "crash and burn" experience. I have worked in professional Christian ministry contexts my whole adult life. Some have been very life-giving, others have been hard and life-draining. I've never been very good at boundaries or self-care, which are extremely important no matter what you are doing with your life. In ministry contexts, they are life and death. I burned out to the point where I literally felt nothing. No energy, no passion, no hope. Just despair. I resigned and took a long break and enrolled in a program that brought some deep inner healing and set me on a new path.
I'm almost 40 years old now, and I still struggle with a lot of things, but my inner world is different. I think God is setting me free from a lot of things, like fear, anger, pride, and resignation... slowly but surely. Some days I literally feel trapped in a sticky spider web, struggling to release what's inside. I will likely continue to have some days like that, but I don't want to live life as a frantic bug caught in a web, looking back with regret and resigned about the future. I don't want to be afraid of the giant, hideous spider of death that may get me in an instant.
You know that scene in the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie, where Frodo gets stalked by Shelob, the giant spider? Then suddenly she pricks him with her poison stinger, and wraps him up in a web cocoon so she can eat him later. That's probably the content of my worst nightmare, ever. I'd rather be paper cut a hundred thousand times and then forced to soak in a vat of rubbing alcohol. Good God, I hate spiders.
May we all find release from those webs that trap us. I am pretty sure this is what God is up to in this world-- setting captives free (Luke 4:18-19). Jesus, I think, is like Samwise Gamgee in this clip, confronting the hideous Shelob and shouting, "Let him go, you filth!"
There are all kinds of prisons and webs and dungeons we may find ourselves in. Some are forced on us, and some are of our own making. But what matters is that we find true freedom, and not some lame substitute. Because what good are lame substitutes?
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